Growing Up is Hard to Do

In Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been? by Joyce Carol Oates, a young woman named Connie experiences a frightening transition from teenage curiosity to the realities and consequences of adulthood. One day Connie's home and social worlds collide when, left home alone, she is confronted by an older man who aggressively seeks to convince her to go off with him and engage in sexual activity. By describing this confrontation and Connie's reactions to it in detail, Oates conveys the message that the transition from adolescence to adulthood, particularly in terms of sexuality, is often frightening and that its realities are less desirable than young people typically believe.

Oates' characterization of Connie, the story's protagonist, begins as a depiction of how Connie differs as she shifts between her home life and her social development outside of the home, which are representative of her adolescence and her entry into adulthood. Oates describes how "everything about her had two sides to it, one for home and one for anywhere that was not home" (27). This is true not only of physical traits such as her walk, her mouth, and her laugh, but also of her personality. Whereas at home Connie takes on the persona of a typical fifteen-year-old - squabbling with her mother and dealing with comparisons to her older sister - outside of home she forays into a much more adult world. Her social life often leads her to a drive-in restaurant where she meets older boys and engages in flirtatious activities with them. Oates' purpose in setting up the story in this way to lead into the conflict Connie is faced with upon the introduction of the story's antagonist and the clash between her adolescence and her desire to become an adult that follows.

One day Connie's family heads off to a party and leaves Connie alone at home. Not long after their departure, a man whom Connie recognizes from a previous encounter at the drive-in arrives at her home, uninvited and excessively bold. Connie soon recognizes that this man, Arnold Friend, is not as young as she first thought; in fact, she thinks he may be as old as thirty. As the story's antagonist, Arnold wraps Connie up in her major conflict: while she finds herself attracted in some ways to him and is initially flattered by his compliments, she recognizes that his mysterious appearance at her house, much older age, and eerie knowledge of her family and her home life is cause for concern.

As Arnold becomes increasingly aggressive in attempting to convince Connie to leave with him for sexual purposes, she becomes less attracted to him and more fearful of his presence. Eventually, Arnold's persuasion lead to threats against her family and an overbearing insistence that Connie give in to his desires. This sets up the story's climax, in which Connie rushes to the phone and screams into it, crying out for her mother. This key moment in the plot represents Connie's realization that she is not ready to leave her safe home, symbolic of her adolescence, for the world of adulthood; however, her screams are unsuccessful, and at the end of the story she in fact finds herself going, hesitantly but of her own accord, to Arnold and a "land that Connie had never seen before and did not recognize except to know that she was going to it" (48). This land, that of adulthood and adult sexuality, is both fearful and unavoidable to Connie, and certainly not in line with the tender experiences with boys she would often daydream about at home.

Oates' story set off recollections of my own youth and instances when I saw myself entering into adulthood. In particular, I recall the first time my parents allowed me to stay at home by myself; not surprisingly, I longed for this level of freedom and independence, yet when the moment actually arrived I was more fearful and lonely than excited about the trust they had granted me. Like Connie, that day I realized that while growing up is fascinating and inevitable, it can also be a frightening experience.

Work Cited

Oates, Joyce Carol. "Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?" New Brunswick, N.J.: Rutgers University Press, 1994.