Jane Doe’s essay on a college education shows signs of brilliance but is ultimately brought down by her inability to fully develop her ideas. The most significant issue that I have with this essay is that Doe does not offer her audience a transition into her argument in the first paragraph, instead opting to simply force her opinion onto them. This immediately makes me question her point, and her numerous spelling issues only work to reinforce this skepticism. A highlight of this essay, however, is that Doe does effectively use quotes throughout, and this makes her evidence seem solid and supportive. Without revision, this essay will not be good enough.
In Jane Doe’s essay, there is a clear and successful effort that has allowed her essay to be very successful in arguing her point. Doe’s work is well-organized and develops her argument and strategy in a way that is conducive to her point and allows the essay to flow nicely. Her most notable flaw is a failure to adhere to some basic principles in writing, such as never beginning a paragraph with a quote as she did in paragraph 2. This, however, can be seen as a deliberate stylistic choice and might be excusable if Doe believes it is necessary to the story. Overall, this is a successful and impactful essay.
Though Jane Doe has seemingly put a considerable amount of effort into researching her ideas, her essay suffers from a number of flaws that take away from her work. The most notable of these is her obvious struggles with structuring, which are readily apparent from the moment you look at her essay. The opening paragraph consists of three meager sentences that do not effectively introduce her topic or develop a proper thesis that attracts the reader or truly states a position. Her other body paragraphs are far too long, and she also has seemingly struggled to proofread her work as there are a fair amount of grammatical errors throughout. If Doe works to address these glaring issues, her essay will be far more effective.