You Won’t Like Me When I’m Angry: The Incredible Power of Anger, and How to Manage It

Introduction

Anger is, perhaps, the most notorious of all human emotions. It has the ability to spring up when we least expect it, an almost natural and inherent response to an offense or frustration. Humanity’s natural tendency to engage in a primal “fight or flight” response to challenges has unavoidably led to anger being a primary response for many. Still for others, anger is a longer-lasting thing, taking root and burning into ashes of bitterness or misgiving. It is obvious that anger is unhealthy – it almost defies intuition to say anything further. However, it remains a complex human emotion. Sure, everyone feels it at some point or another. But where does it come from? How does it manifest? And, most importantly, how can it be taken under control? a detailed examination of the nature of anger and, in response, how it may be managed, may give further insight into this human emotion.

Dr. Charles Spielberger, a psychologist who specializes in the study of anger, has defined anger as “an emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage” (APA). This sounds simple enough, but it is this range in intensity, its causes, and its response that makes anger such a difficult subject. In terms of the causes, anger itself can be a response to many events, both external and internal. The anger could be directed at a person, an event, personal problems, or painful memories. No matter what the cause, when anger turns to the extreme, it can be extremely harmful to individuals and whoever surrounds them. As the American Psychological Association’s (APA) pamphlet entitled “Controlling Anger Before It Controls You” states, “Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy, human emotion. But when it gets out of control and turns destructive, it can lead to problems…and it can make you feel as though you’re at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion” (APA, 2013). It is this – how anger affects relationships and an individual psyche – that can make it so dangerous.

So, in response, many psychologists and others in the field of personal health have developed what is known as anger management. Instead of anger management being defined by completely repressing angry feelings or the expression of anger, it has a different connotation. “Anger management is training for temper control and is the skill of remaining calm,” Gil Schwarts notes. “It has been described as deploying anger successfully” (Schwarts, 2006). So, this is the understanding of anger and anger management as discussed in this paper: anger is a natural response in humans, but often can get out of control. Therefore, individuals (especially those that struggle particularly with angry responses and emotions) need to manage this anger by training themselves to respond strategically and carefully. It is this approach to anger and the management of the emotion that this paper discusses: the effects of anger, ways of expressing anger, aggressive versus assertive anger, strategies for anger management, and ways to implement these strategies.

The Effects of Anger

As noted above, the APA (2013) makes it clear that while anger may be a natural response to many stressful events in a person’s life, poorly managed anger can be a detriment. If anger is not dealt with in a healthy way, it can be not only uncomfortable but detrimental to one’s health and personal relationships. While there are many studies that support this view, turning to just a few will be adequate for this paper.

First, a study from the University of Washington revealed the effect of anger on men and women in marriage. The findings pointed to anger having a causal relationship with other negative conditions. In the wives studied, researchers found that there was an association between anger and symptoms of depression. In the men, researchers found a similar association between anger and health problems (Carrere, Mittmann, Woodin, Tabares, & Yoshimoto, 2005).

A second research set examined the connection between anger management and personal relationships. Essentially, the findings showed that children and adolescents who dealt with their anger inappropriately find themselves at greater risk of problematic interpersonal relationships. The study also revealed a greater propensity for those with anger issues to have negative outcomes in both mental and general health (Kerr & Schneider, 2007). This essentially underscores the idea that anger management should be a personal skill learned early on in life.

Finally, even unexpressed anger can create personal problems. As noted by the APA, unexpressed anger can “lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior, or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile” (2013). Just maintaining angry emotions, without expressing them, can lead to certain problems. The obvious implication is that anger, both expressed and unexpressed, makes it difficult for individuals to have very many successful relationships.

It is for these reasons that learning effective and successful anger management is so important. Not expressing anger at all or expressing it inappropriately can lead to psychological, relational, and health-related problems. Before turning to anger management techniques, however, it will be helpful to discuss the various ways in which anger can be expressed.

Ways to Express Anger

The APA notes three processes by which people deal with their angry feelings: expressing, suppressing, and calming (2013). While calming is the healthiest response, the other two are most associated with an unhealthy response. Expressed anger often leads to lashing out, being pushy or demanding. In contrast, anger turned inward can cause “hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression” (APA, 2013). This form of suppression has its own negative effects, in some ways just as harmful as wrongly expressing anger. Finally, calming means “not just controlling your outward behavior, but also controlling your internal responses, taking steps to lower your heart rate, calm yourself down, and let the feelings subside” (APA, 2013).

Most obviously, anger can be expressed in two primary ways: aggressively, or assertively. These expressions are beneficial neither to the individual expressing the emotion, nor the group or individual receiving them. Peter Fehrenbach and Mark Thelen (1981) give a description of these expressions, as well as their relative “payoffs” versus “costs”. Aggressive anger is what is often thought of as angry expression. It means standing up for your personal rights and expressing your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs in a way that is usually inappropriate and in violation of the rights of the other person. As Fehrenbach & Thelen note, aggressive angry behavior usually ends with people feeling devastated, while the actor maintains superiority by putting others down (1981). The “payoffs” of aggressive angry behavior include getting others to do your bidding, things tending to go your way, less vulnerability, the feeling of being in control, a release of tension, and feelings of power. In contrast, the “costs” associated with aggressive anger expression include the creation of enemies and resentment in surrounding friends and family, a sense of paranoia and fear, unstable relationships based on negative emotions, feelings of guilt and shame, and finally decreased self-confidence and self-esteem (Fehrenbach & Thelen, 1981).

Assertive anger, in contrast, is a way of communicating your feelings, thoughts, and beliefs in an open, honest manner without violating the rights of others. In essence, it is “an alternative to being aggressive, where we abuse other people’s rights, and a passive where we abuse our own rights” (Fehrenbach & Thelen, 1981). Assertive anger is a more positive expression of the emotion. The authors identify the “payoffs” as higher self-esteem, an increase in “getting what you want out of life”, a decrease in resentment, and an easier ability to see, hear, and love others. The only “cost” associated with assertive expression of anger is that friends or family may have benefited from passive anger, and may “sabotage” your new assertiveness (Fehrenbach & Thelen, 1981).

However, the expression of anger cannot be limited to these two forms. Ephrem Fernandez, a leading psychologist on anger and its expression and management, conceptualized (or, more scientifically, identified) six dimensions of anger expression. They are anger’s direction, locus, reaction, modality, impulsivity, and objective. Each person’s anger profile is the coordination of these six dimensions (Fernandez, 2008). This essentially means that there is a wide range of “anger profiles” – that is, ways in which people express their anger. Of course, Fernandez notes, within this range there are those that reflect familiar patterns. These include individuals with repressive anger, passive-aggressive anger, explosive anger, and even the profile of constructive anger expression.

So, then, it is obvious that neither “letting it all hang out” nor suppressing angry emotions are beneficial to individuals or groups. Instead, the best option is to find out what “triggers” anger and develop specific strategies to deal with it. If there is a problem of suppressing anger, it can be helpful to identify where the anger originates and direct it (in a healthy way) there (Kemp & Strongman, 1995). Most importantly, however, is expressing this anger in a helpful and healthy way. In fact, it is the harmful expressions of anger, specifically, that need the tools and skills of anger management, as outlined below.

Strategies for Anger Management

Anger management cannot be mastered by merely committing to being less angry. One must engage in specific and practiced strategies in order to better their responses and expression. There are several theories associated with these strategies, outlined below. First, however, in addition to academic and scientific theories of anger management, the APA (2013) has established several “healthy responses” to anger expression. Relaxation means the utilization of simple relaxation tools, including deep breathing and relaxing imagery. Using this technique simply helps to calm down feelings of anger, without any response at all. The APA recommends practicing these techniques daily until they become nearly automatic. Cognitive restructuring is merely “changing the way you think” (APA, 2013). It means taking exaggerated or overly dramatic thoughts and attempting to replace these with rational thoughts. This is another internal response that helps individuals come to a conclusion in their mind.

Problem-solving is in response to individuals facing specific problems or challenges. The key is to focus on how to respond to and handle the situation, rather than immediately turning to seek a solution. Focusing on patience and process rather than the solution makes for a more productive mind. Attempting better communication is key in the expression and relation of anger. This means slowing down and focusing on the words that one will say, rather than jumping to conclusions or saying the first thing that comes to mind. It also means taking time to understand underlying issues, asking questions, and listening carefully. Utilizing these simple communication skills will often (if not always) keep an emotion-filled discussion from spiraling out of control. This way, the discussion focuses on the issues rather than the emotions.

Using humor in response to angry emotions helps to give individuals a more balanced perspective on specific situations. Picturing your angry thoughts in a literal way (such as your coworker as a literal bag of dirt, sitting at the desk) makes light of the situation, effectively diffusing the angry emotions. Finally, changing the environment can be an effective way of avoiding an angry confrontation. Removing oneself from an irritating or infuriating setting or situation often makes angry emotions dissipate, as it was the environment itself that had the emotional effect. Taking a break can bring one’s emotional state “down to earth”, making containment of anger an easier process.

In addition to these generalized responses, there are two specific scientific theories dealing with anger management. Cognitive-behavioral effective therapy, first developed by Ephrem Fernandez goes beyond conventional responses, adding specific cognitive and behavioral techniques to the mix. These techniques take the form of three phases of treatment: prevention, intervention, and “postvention” (Beck & Fernandez, 1998). In other words, people are trained to deal with the beginnings of anger, the way it progresses, and the after-effects of the emotion. This holistic view of anger management gives individuals the ability to effectively deal with their emotions before they are inappropriate expressed and salvage the damage of inappropriately expressed anger.

Another theory associated with anger management is heart coherence training, which hones in on the physiological effects of anger. The training focuses on mindfulness and “biofeedback”, attempting to shift heart rhythm to stabilize the nervous system (Maccraty, et al. 2001). The main goal is to reverse the negative effects of anger on the immune system. While the “treatment” may be new, in over 3,000 participants it was found that feelings of anger had decreased by 50% by the end of the training (2001). This is an important deviation from other psychological treatments of anger, as it deals directly with the physiological effects of anger. This may, in the long run, help to reduce the health costs associated with anger.

Implementation of Strategies

As mentioned above, it is important to teach these strategies for anger management earlier, rather than later. One such implementation for anger management strategies is known as social-emotional learning (S.E.L.). This is essentially a curriculum for elementary schools designed for “emotional management” (Kahn, 2013). There are several instances of programs that teachers and schools can utilize, but each of them teaches students emotion and social skills by promoting self-awareness, self-restraint, and persistence. The results of these programs are debatable but are nevertheless a step in the direction of early education for anger management, and a good example of the implementation of anger management strategies more generally.

Conclusion

This paper has examined where anger comes from, how it can manifest, the effects of anger, and finally how it can be taken under control. Through the examination of the effects of anger, it became clear that the emotion must be dealt with on a personal and psychological, as well as social, level. Doing so has ostensibly given further insight into this complex human emotion. Ultimately, it has become clear that there is no singular or formulaic response to anger – there is no one strategy for managing the emotion, its onset, and its manifestation. Instead, anger management takes careful consideration of personality and situation, adapting to each individual case. In every case, however, one trait remains the same: managing anger takes a conscious effort, but the pay off for this effort is limitless.

Works Cited

APA, “Controlling Anger Before it Controls You.” 2013. http://www.apa.org/topics/anger/control.aspx?item=1

Beck, Richard; Richard Beck and Ephrem Fernandez. “Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy in the Treatment of Anger: A Meta-Analysis.” Cognitive Therapy and Research 22 (1): 63–74. 1998.

Carrere, S., Mittmann, A., Woodin, F., Tabares, A., Yoshimoto, D. “Anger Dysregulation, Depressive Symptoms, and Health in Married Women and Men.” Nursing Research. May 2005.

Fehrenbach, Peter A., Thelen, Mark H. “Assertive-Skills Training for Inappropriately Aggressive College Males: Effects on Assertive and Aggressive Behaviors. Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental Psychiatry: 12 (3): 213-217. 1981.

Fernandez, Ephrem. “The Angry Personality: A Representation on Six Dimensions of Anger Expression.” International Handbook of Personality Theory and Testing: Vol. 2: Personality Measurement and Assment: 402-419. London: Sage. 2008.

Kahn, Jennifer. “Reading, Writing, And…Emotional Intelligence aka Can Emotional Intelligence Be Taught?” The New York Times Magazine: 44-49. New York: The New York Times. September 15, 2013.

Kemp, Simon, Strongmen, K.T. “Anger Theory and Management: A Historical Analysis.” American Journal of Psychology: 108 (3): 397-417. 1995.

Maccraty, Rollin. “Science of the Heart.” HeartMath Research Center: 28. 2001.

Schwarts, Gil. Anger Management. Emmaus, PA: Rodale, Inc. July 2006.

Kerr, MA., Schneider BH. “Anger Expression in Children and Adolescents: A Review of the Empirical Literature.” Clinical Psychology Review. August 9, 2007.