Educating Children about Sex

Critique

One thing I agreed with Dr. Berman that once children are in the fifth and sixth grades, parents should not only have a frank discussion about the male and female anatomy during puberty, but they should also discuss the feelings and actions that are often connected to this time period (Berman, 2007). I found the parents’ willingness to open up to their children about their bodies’ changes during this time to be important because as Berman (2007) notes puberty is also a time to talk “…about your hopes and dreams for their sex lives (p.7). By informing children of the changes in their bodies and of the hopes that their parents have for them, parents can help their children have a healthier sexual future. The twin benefits of self-understanding and healthy sexual practices and aspirations are also supported by Bruce King (2011): “…children are less likely to…engage in sexually risky behaviors…when parents have talks before their teens begin having sexual intercourse” (p.269). Further, it is noted that children as young as nine and ten already have conversations about sex with their peers and are exposed to information—reliable or not—through multimedia outlets, such as television. However, parents who engage in conversations with their children early about their sexual anatomy and questions are likely to pass on their own sexual values, rather than society’s values at large (King, 2011). Although communication about sex may be embarrassing and difficult, especially with a parent’s young children, it is important to the child’s development and well-being.

Although the article as a whole was convincing and informative, I disagreed with one particular point of David Riess’s “The S-E-X Talk Starts in Infancy”. Under his advice to normalize what’s normal, Riess (2011) advises parents to “Use proper names for the genitalia”. While this advice may not necessarily hurt an infant or a child who is curious about learning about his or her sexuality, I fail to see how using different words for genitalia will make a big difference over time. For example, is using the word, “wiener” instead of “penis” likely to stunt a child’s intellectual sexual growth? Other experts seem to think not. For example, the American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry (2005) advises that “Many children have their own words for body parts. It is important to find out words they know and are comfortable with to make talking with them easier.” If using a more comfortable word for the child facilitates discussion of a difficult concept, then is there really any harm in not using the technical term? I think that as children mature, they will naturally move into using the proper names for their body parts, but until they get past their initial curiosities and fears with their changing bodies, using names they are comfortable with may be sensible.

My Values

I think I possess three key values about sexuality and sexually related topics. These values include talking openly about sex with children—at home and at school—having sexual relations with a partner in a loving, mutually respectful relationship, and promoting safe sexual practices for individuals of all ages.

First, I find it important for all individuals to begin to form a healthy relationship with their sexual selves by feeling supported and communicated to by their parents. In order to ensure that children understand their sexuality, are comfortable with healthy ways to express it, and understand how to use it when appropriate, parents need to be available to answer any questions (Family Planning Association, 2011). However, because the reality is that many parents are uncomfortable having such sexual conversations with their children and may never do so, I feel it important that we instill strong sexual education courses in our schools. The public is overwhelmingly in support of such sexual education courses (King, 2011). Second, having a sexual partner who is respectful and loving is an important value to me. While arguments may be made that sexual encounters do not have to involve love, my personal ethics and beliefs hold that sex is an important enough activity to save for people who are likely to be fixtures in your life and who you care for and will care for you. Situational ethics are important to inscribe into children (King, 2011), and I plan on doing so with my own one day. Third, whether the individuals having sex are teenagers, adults, or senior citizens, I think promoting safe sex is extremely important. Although the topic of sex is difficult enough for parents to bring up, the topic of safe sex seems to be even more difficult (Roffman, 2012). Many parents seem to think that talking about safe sex will encourage their children to have sex, but the facts indicate that there is no more likelihood that parents whose children are told about safe sex practices are more likely to do so than those who are not taught (King, 2011). Therefore, safe sex appears to be one topic everyone should be able to agree upon.

I think my values about sex will positively influence how I talk about future clients because my desire to talk openly about sexual concerns will make me more approachable than someone who is more squeamish about the issue. Conversely, I think it’s possible that my ethical values of only having sex with a partner with whom you are in love may turn off a client who might disagree with my stance or may feel judged by my ethics. Certainly, I will need to be conscious of my values in order to better serve my clients.

Uncomfortable Topic

The topic that I feel least comfortable talking about with my clients is sexual behavior among teenagers. Although I don’t think that it is impossible for young teenagers to fall in love or think that they are in love, I remember too many of my peers who believed that they were in love having sex at an early age. While the people I knew were lucky enough not to get pregnant or catch an STD, a few did end up with a broken heart and hurt feelings because they shared their sexuality with someone who they thought they could trust. Unfortunately, I think some younger teenagers are unsure of the responsibility that sexual relationships can be, and so I would generally shy away from discussing it, much less approve of it. However, I will keep my ethical values to myself because I realize that everyone is different, and my first job is to serve my client, even if it makes me a little uncomfortable.

Overcoming Discomfort

I can think of three ways to overcome the discomfort of discussing teenage sex with a client. First, I might offer anecdotal evidence about why some teenagers, in general, feel the need to have sex or feel that they are in love when in fact they do not need to have sex or that they are not in love, but are merely infatuated. I would be careful to not offer my opinion as a judgment or as strict advice, just as an observation. In this way, I could feel that my sexual values were being communicated with pressuring a client. Second, I might talk to my hypothetical teenage client about whether he or she feels confident with who they are or if they experience self-esteem since sometimes sexual activity at this age is used as a substitute in the absence of such qualities (Berman, 2007). Third, I might overcome my own discomfort of the topic of teenage sexual activity by suggesting alternative ways to explore sexuality that are safer in terms of unwanted teenage pregnancy, contracting an STD, or getting hurt emotionally. Such alternatives may include abstinence or masturbation—or a combination of the two (Roffman, 2012). Finally, I think overcoming my own discomfort of discussing teenage sexuality may involve me spending time examining why the topic is so uncomfortable for me. I suspect it has to do with the strong empathy I felt for my friends and peers in high school who regretted having sex at a young age. By exploring my own emotions, I will likely overcome my discomfort at discussing the topic, and be a better servant to my clients.

References

American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry (2005). Talking to your kids about sex, Retrieved from http://www.aacap.org/AACAP/Families_and_Youth/

Berman, L. (2007). The sex ed handbook: A comprehensive guide for parents by Dr. Laura Berman. http://media.oprah.com/lberman/talking-to-kids-about-sex-handbook.pdf.

Family Planning Association. (2011). Facts of life: Talking to your children about puberty, relationships, and sex. Retrieved from http://www.fpa.org.uk/sexual-health-week/facts-of-life.

King, B.M. (2011). Human sexuality today (7th Ed.), Upper Saddle River, NJ: Prentice-Hall.

Riess, D. (2011). The S-E-X talk starts in infancy, Retrieved from http://www.marriagefamilycenter.com/children/the-s-e-x-talk-starts-in-infancy

Roffman, D. (2012). Talk to me first: Everything you need to know to become your kids’‘go-to’ person about sex. New York, NY: Da Capo Press.