The Experience of Grief in the Christian’s Walk

The experience of grief is one that every person will eventually encounter during the course of their lives. For some people, grief comprises a rather significant part of their lives, while other people are blessed enough that grief is only an episodic feature of their own lifetimes. Grief can often be the most troubling and psychologically difficult burden an individual can bear. Overcoming the sorrow that accompanies severe loss is one of the most difficult obstacles an individual can face. To be sure, the act of ministering to those experiencing grief is one of the responsibilities of those who aspire to live a Christian life and to apply the Word of God to all aspects of life. 

Many different situations that an individual can potentially face are capable of causing one to experience grief. The most obvious of these is the death of a loved one. It is widely recognized by psychologists that the death of a child is the most painful and severe form of grief an individual can experience. Indeed, those who have never experienced such a loss will sometimes marvel at the way in which those enduring such suffering are able to cope with their situation. It is obvious that a special grace bestowed by God allows those who experience the grief of this magnitude to shoulder their burden. 

While the death of a child may be the most severe form of grief one can ordinarily experience, there are many other potential life scenarios that can bring about severe grief. Those who experience the premature death of a parent, a sibling, or a spouse will likewise encounter serious grief.  The process of coping with bereavement of this kind can be particularly difficult if such a scenario arises during a time that would otherwise be an occasion for joy. If one experiences a severe personal loss during the Christmas or Thanksgiving holiday seasons, or shortly before the deceased loved one’s birthday, the burden of grief can become even more overwhelming.  The joy that Christians experience during the Easter holiday, as the Resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ is commemorated, may become a difficult experience if the Easter season is accompanied by an occasion for grief. 

It is not only the death of a loved one that may bring about feelings of grief. Many potential life situations present scenarios whereby an individual may experience a sense of loss, sadness, or succumb to major depressive disorder.  While Christians recognize the importance of preserving the sanctity of marriage and the family relationship, it is also true that members of a family can suffer great emotional harm from the experience of a divorce. A divorce can be not only emotionally damaging to the estranged marital partners but is also well-known for its damaging impact on the children of broken families. A partner to a marriage that has failed may suffer from low self-esteem, guilt, or feelings of personal inadequacy. Such feelings may be amplified if the sin of the marital infidelity was a contributing factor to the failure of the marriage. 

Grief can also accompany many of life’s disappointments. A teenager who is rejected by a girlfriend or boyfriend, or who experiences rejection at the hands of their peers, may experience severe grief. One may experience grief over the disappointment of failing to be accepted into their preferred college or failing to be chosen for an athletic team. As an individual enters adulthood, the disappointment that can accompany a lack of professional success may trigger grief in an individual. The loss of employment because of circumstances beyond one’s control may have a similar effect.  Throughout the course of one’s life, many life circumstances can come into being where a person may experience the stages of grief. If one is forced for professional or financial reasons to relocate to an unfamiliar community, one can certainly experience grief for having to leave behind treasured friends, neighbors, relatives, or church members. 

Of course, one can also experience grief for selfish reasons, or because of circumstances that arise from one’s own wrongdoings or shortcomings. A man who loses his wife and children to divorce after an adulterous affair will experience grief over having to face the consequences of the choices he has made. An employee who experiences financial difficulties after being terminated from his job because of incompetence or misconduct may experience grief. A criminal who faces the prospect of being sent to prison may encounter grief over having to accept responsibility for the harm he has inflicted on others and on society. 

Yet another form of grief one can experience involves the prospect of facing one’s own premature death after having been diagnosed with a terminal illness. While Christians enjoy the promise of eternal life in the presence of God, it is also true that any dying person must endure the physical pain that accompanies the process of illness and death. Even if one is not terminally ill, undergoing a debilitating physical injury that results in severe disability, or even reduced activity can provide an individual with a severe sense of loss. 

Clearly, many different life situations can arise which may cause someone to experience grief, often of a very severe nature. Grief can impact the life of an individual in a variety of ways. For some, the experience of grief may result in an ultimately positive outcome. The process of grieving may strengthen one’s faith and character. One may come to appreciate with greater gratitude the remaining blessings in one’s own life. If one experiences grief due to circumstances that arise from one’s own failures or wrongdoings, such a person may come to repentance for past sins, and commit themselves to greater efforts towards success, or a greater commitment to good conduct in the future.  Someone who experiences severe personal loss may gain insights and empathy that allow them to be of comfort to others in times of similar personal crisis. 

For other people, of course, the experience of severe grief may have a damaging or negative outcome. Someone who experiences great loss may become angry with God and their faith may be weakened. A person lacking the comfort and strength of faith may instead seek comfort in alcohol, drugs, reckless living, and other forms of destructive behavior. A person may become bitter and resentful. Someone who experiences the death of someone they love may become afraid to invest emotional energy in another person in the future.  

Scripture speaks of the problem of grief that individuals inevitably face during the course of their lives. Of course, God promises that in the end when there is a new Heaven and a new Earth all sorrows will be made to vanish. The world of the eternal will be a world without pain (Rev. 21:4). Yet the Word of God clearly teaches that human beings will continue to experience pain, sorrow, and grief as long as they remain in their fallen, worldly state. The principal responsibility of the Christian is to remain faithful to God’s calling in the face of whatever world temptations, frailties, or sufferings the Christian may face. The Bible refers to the Holy Spirit as a great Comforter, sent by God after the return of Jesus to the right hand of the Father (John 14:26). The Holy Spirit dwells within the Christian and provides strength during times of adversity. The most important concern a Christian can have concerning grief is to avoid grieving the Holy Spirit through unfaithfulness or disobedience to the Word of God (Eph. 4:30). 

Yet the Bible recognizes the pain, injustice, and anguish that can arise during the course of a person’s lifetime in a fallen world. The Bible instructs the believer to expect to encounter sorrow. Nowhere in Scripture does God promise the Christian a life without difficulty. Indeed, when Christians experience grief and sorrow in their own lives, they would do well to recall the fate of their brothers and sisters who have experienced martyrdom for Christ’s sake. Countless numbers of Christians from the Roman period onward have endured persecution, torture, and death for their faith. Even today, Christians suffer severe persecution in some parts of the world. Above all, a Christian should recall the sufferings of the Lord Jesus Christ and the burden He was willing to bear for the sake of redeeming his children. A Christian should be ashamed to engage in self-pity regarding his own sorrows when the Lord has Himself suffered so. 

While Christians are indeed called to remain faithful in the face of severe hardship, God is not indifferent to the suffering of his children. Not only did he send His Son to redeem the fallen, but the Lord likewise offers comfort to the grieving. Scripture teaches that those who mourn will be blessed (Matt. 5:4). Christ calls those bearing heavy burdens to Him, for He will give them rest (Matt. 11:28). The Apostle Peter exhorts the believer to cast their cares before God because He cares about them (I Pet. 5:7). No greater inspiration can be found in Scripture concerning the problem of grief than the example of Job. The Bible shows Job to have been a wealthy and successful man with a thriving family (Job 1). God decided to test Job by allowing him to experience the burdens of severe grief. Job not only lost his wealth but also his health and family. Yet Job’s faith in God never wavered as Job knew that all things eventually work together for those who are called to His purpose (Rom. 8:28). In the end, God rewarded Job’s faithfulness by restoring him many times over. 

Just as God offers comfort to those who are suffering from grief, so are Christians expected to minister to those who are experiencing sorrow. Indeed, much of the life and ministry of the Lord Jesus Christ is characterized by the Lord’s concern for the suffering and the grieving. It is clear from Jesus’ example that a primary responsibility of the Christian is to not only to preach the Gospel but to help alleviate the suffering of one’s fellow creatures of God. The Gospels provide numerous examples of the Lord reaching out to the grieving and afflicted.  Jesus healed the sick, raised Lazarus from the dead, gave sight to the blind, and fed those who were starving. Offering comfort the grieving was a central concern of the Lord’s ministry. 

How are Christians to follow the example established by the Lord Jesus Christ? How are Christians in the contemporary world to take upon themselves the burden of caring for the grieving? This is a concern to which many Christians are indeed devoted. One of the greatest responsibilities of a pastor is to care for those who have experienced great loss. Indeed, many pastors will say that the most difficult aspect of the position to which they have been trusted is their responsibility for offering comfort to those who have suffered the death of a loved one. The pastor who must visit the family that has experienced the death of a child faces a great burden. The pastor who must preside over the funeral of a beloved church member often struggles to find the appropriate words to express the congregants’ sense of loss. 

It is fortunate for the Christian community that great care and emphasis is often given to the training of counselors who are able to offer help to those dealing with severe grief.  The provision of counseling to the grieving is among the most important functions of those who are called into Christian service. The Christian counselor faces many possible scenarios with the potential to involve great difficulty.  One particularly difficult situation a Christian counselor may face is one where the grieving person becomes suicidal. The ability to recognize such potential dangers and to offer effective assistance where necessary is a vitally important service for the Christian counselor to perform.  As mentioned, a person experiencing severe grief may come to act in other destructive ways. 

There was once a young man of fifteen years old who experienced the unexpected death of his father. The young man came from a faithful and loving Christian home. His father and mother had been active in church, and his father sang in a local gospel quartet. His parents involved themselves in Gospel outreach efforts during their non-working hours. The young man was baptized in the Church as a child. Yet upon the death of his father, the young man became angry, bitter, and resentful. He began to blame God for taking his father from him. His surviving family members and church companions tried to help him understand that the death of his father was ultimately part of God’s wise plan, unknowable though it may be to mortal humans. Yet the young man did not take these exhortations to heart. Instead, his anger grew and he began to act in reckless ways, consuming alcohol and drugs, and associating with improvident companions. The young man’s fall into the ways of sin continued to manifest itself in a variety of destructive ways. Eventually, the young man became involved with illegal activities, finally becoming a full-fledged member of an outlaw motorcycle gang. He continued to be involved in violence and crime. Eventually, his superiors within the motorcycle club ordered him to commit a murder on their behalf. He refused and immediately became a marked man, and had to be rescued from nearly being murdered himself. Only after his own life was threatened did he finally find his way back to Christ. 

Fortunately, most people who have difficulty dealing with severe experiences of grief do not fall as far away from the path of righteousness as the young man described above. However, the problem of coping with grief, or the inability of some people to properly cope, does indeed carry with it profound consequences for individuals, families, and society. The problem of grief is one of the many issues Christians face when ministering to the afflicted. Ultimately, of course, the most effective way to assist those who are grieving is to bring them to knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ. It is in Him that the suffering can find peace.  Through Him, the believer can turn sorrow into joy by recognition of His blessings and promises.  Indeed, the ability of the believer to effectively deal with grief through reliance on faith in Christ offers the believer an opportunity to minister to others who are suffering from comparable sorrows and to serve as a witness to the wider community of unbelievers. The unbeliever who observes the comfort the Christian receives from the Holy Spirit in a moment of personal tragedy cannot help but be impressed by the power of God in the believer’s life. Hence, the experience of tragedy by the Christian provides the believer with an opportunity to turn sorrow into triumph. 

There was a case of another family who likewise suffered a severe tragedy involving their fifteen-year-old son. Only in this case it was not the father but the son himself who died suddenly and prematurely. This young man was a faithful Christian and had attended church with his family since birth. His father was the superintendent of Sunday School for the church to which the family belonged. His mother played the organ during services, and all of the children regularly participated in the church youth group’s activities. Most important of all, the young man confessed Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior at the age of eleven. All who knew the young man regarded him as a sincere Christian and effective witness. 

The young man was also very fond of hunting as a past time. Tragically, the young man and a friend went hunting together one day with both of them carrying hunting rifles. While they were in the woods, a mishap occurred. One of the rifles fired accidentally and the young man was struck in the heart. He died at the scene of the accident. Yet, as sad as the premature death of this young man was, his death was not in vain. For it was at his memorial service that his companion who had accidentally fired the rifle that killed the young man came to know Christ in his own right. The lesson of such a story is that while the faithful Christian will indeed experience grief in this lifetime, he need not fear sorrow, pain, or suffering. Ultimately, it is God who is in control of his destiny and all things will work together for good as part of God’s plan. It is the role of the Christian pastor or lay counselor to bring this message to the grieving.

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