Love Online

Online dating sites have become one of the most common ways to find a boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, or husband, and all it takes is a computer and an Internet connection. Companies such as eHarmony and Match.com promise their users that they can find true love in the convenience of their own homes based on sophisticated algorithms. Because one can compare the online dating scene as equivalent to catalog shopping, dating websites assert algorithms successfully match people according to their tastes, behaviors, personalities, and values. Nevertheless, critics of online dating sites suggest that users are unable to achieve the same level of intimacy as those who meet face-to-face. On the other hand, advocates for cyberspace love suggest online dating allows people to get to know one another through innocent emails, text messages, or telephone calls, so they have some level of intimacy before they even make that crucial face-to-face first meeting. The convenience of online interaction is clear; however, what remains to be seen is if the attraction lasts for the long term. Because online dating affords effortless communication facilitated by the growing amount of potential dates, it suggests that dating is easy and commitment is unnecessary. Therefore, instead of traditional online dating, virtual worlds provide lifelike opportunities to develop close and intimate relationships in order to foster the necessary commitment for long term love. 

At one time, online dating bore a stigma that suggested its users were the portion of society who was unlovable or undesirable. However, in their article “I Think I Like you: Spontaneous and Deliberate Evaluations of Potential Romantic Partners in an Online Dating Context,” Rajees Sritharan, Kimberly Heilpern, Christopher Wilbur, and Betram Gawronski assert “online dating has dramatically risen in popularity, with over 40 million visitors in the United States, and more than 800 different websites currently in existence” (1062). The tremendous amount of users suggest that online dating is now a normal way to meet a future significant other. Although, it seems that males and females look for different traits as they browse. Sritharan et al. finds that the main factors that contribute to an initial online attraction include an attractive profile picture and a reportedly high salary. Specifically, “women were more likely to contact men with higher annual incomes and men seeking long-term relationships… whereas men tended to comment on the target’s attractiveness (1062). Consequently, the relationship builds upon the promise of a rich husband or a trophy girlfriend or wife. On the other hand, in virtual worlds, people communicate through avatars and they must make the effort to speak to one another. Much like real life, if someone sees a person he or she is attracted to, he or she has to sum up the courage to connect. 

Brian White’s book Second Life: A Guide to Your Virtual World suggests that while Second Life (SL) relationships can be different from real-life relationships, people are able to develop attractions and connections with the possibility of commitment. White emphasizes to the reader that “There are real human beings behind each avatar in SL. You and they have real emotions [however] You do not know for certain anything about the other person you’re interacting with. [So] Take your time getting to know others in SL before committing to deeper relationships or partnerships” (Ground Rules and Guidelines no page.). Moreover, in SL, people take their romantic relations to the next level of commitment by establishing partnerships. Much like real-life marriages have a fee for a marriage certificate, establishing another avatar as one’s partner has a small cost too. While it is much easier to develop a deeper commitment in a virtual world, White’s reminder that there are real people maneuvering the avatars reveal that instead of relying on an online dating site’s photo and profile, people are able to communicate quickly and decide if they click. 

Subsequently, traditional online dating and virtual dating have convenience in common. In addition, each allows others to date as many people as they like. Journalist Dan Slater’s article “A Million First Dates: How Online Dating Is Threatening Monogamy” explores one man’s experiences with traditional online dating sites. Using the faux name Jacob, the interviewee explains that he never had an easy time finding dates in his local hometown, so he turned to online dating. Jacob reveals online dating is “fairly incredible… [because he is] an average-looking guy. [but] All of a sudden [he] was going out with one or two very pretty, ambitious women a week” (Slater 41). Jacob demonstrates the overall convenience of online dating and the ability to date many women at one time. Traditionally, people seek out online dating services in order to find significant others, but it seems that the easy access allows people to consider that dating is easy, and they may have to go through many profiles and dates in order to find the right ones.  On the other hand, SL offers people the ability to travel together across a virtual world and connect through text and voice calls. Essentially, they rely on instant messages to establish if they want to get to know this person further, so the immediate conversation provides more details than a dating profile. At the same time, they may have more in common than one would initially believe. 

In their study "Does Virtual Intimacy Exist?: A Brief Exploration into Reported Levels of Intimacy in Online Relationships" Veronica Scott, Karen Mottarella, and Maria Lavooy found that people who were comfortable with online communication may have had negative experiences in real life dating, so they prefer online dating. In their exploratory study, the researchers’ sample consisted of 159 males and 387 females ages 18 to 59 years, and they found that “virtual relators reported significantly less intimacy in their own face-to-face relationships compared to the level of intimacy reported in the face-to-face relationships of [their] traditional relators” (Scott, Mottarella, and Lavooy 760). Their findings suggest that traditional face-to-face dating provides a greater opportunity for intimacy; however, their comparison consisted of those who met through school, work, or friends versus those who used Internet dating. While online dating sites and virtual worlds involve an Internet connection, one may speculate that virtual relationships may last longer because they do not necessarily involve hasty physical sexual encounters with the other person under sexually deceptive situations. 

While SL avatars are able to have sexual encounters based on a series of premade animations (White), Slater’s interviewee Jacob reveals that physical relationships often develop after the second or even the first face-to-face date. Incidentally, the capacity for anonymity on the Internet carries a weighted impact. John Bargh and Katelyn McKenna suggest that the Internet allows individuals to create personalities that do not necessarily bear much similarity to their actual identities (The Internet and Social Life). Consequently, online daters who are quick to jump into physical relationships may be in danger of waking up to strangers the day after. Accordingly, behavior after the physical fact is directly influential on the future of a committed relationship. Nevertheless, Internet dating has become increasingly popular over the years, so it would seem wise for online daters to establish their own rules before they involve sex. 

Patti Valkenburg and Peter Jochen explain in their article "Who Visits Online Dating Sites? Exploring Some Characteristics of Online Daters” that the Internet is a popular venue when looking for love or sexual escapades. In fact, they report that “The Web has become the fourth most popular strategy in finding a date or a romantic partner, next to “work or school, family or friends, and nightclubs, bars, cafés, or other social gatherings” (Valkenburg and Peter 849). Specifically, the authors assert “In comparison with dating in a face-to-face setting, online dating offers more control over self-presentation along with the possibility to more easily terminate an encounter” (850). Granted, online dating serves as a healthy avenue for those who experience anxiety in social settings, but the nature of casual sex has the potential to further damage one’s self-esteem. If two people met through a traditional online dating site and only exchanged a few emails, texts, or phone calls before they met and had a sexual encounter, it bears noting that the one who “terminates” further encounters will hurt the other party. It seems that a virtual sexual encounter would not instill as much damage because of a veil of anonymity. Insecurities such as body image will not carry over into the virtual world because each individual is able to create an avatar that he or she captures what he or she deems attractive. Although the avatar creation has a real person behind its actions, it is possible that virtual daters will not feel the sting of rejection based on their physical appearance or sexual performance. With that in mind, virtual daters may not experience the awkward moments after two strangers engage in sex because they did not actually have a physical encounter. In addition, perhaps virtual daters who engage in avatar sexual encounters attribute it to emotional encounters.

Emotional outbursts are often consequences to negative actions such as infidelity, but emotional encounters may suggest communication on a deeper level. Ironically, Bargh and McKenna found that previous studies indicated that “on-line relationships are highly similar to those developed in person, in terms of their breadth, depth, and quality” (581). Therefore, it depends on one’s initial personality that determines whether or not he or she is ready to commit. However, because virtual world relationships are developed exclusively online, one could speculate that the cyber couple spends more time getting to know one another through texting, emailing, talking on the phone, or using Skype. On the other hand, traditional online dating sites constantly send notifications to their users if others view their profiles. For example, Slater reveals “the profit models of many online-dating sites are at cross-purposes with clients who are trying to develop long term commitments. A permanently paired-off dater, after all, means a lost revenue stream.” (42). A controversial aspect of online dating involves the ease of infidelity. While infidelity may occur in a virtual world as easily as it would a real-life scenario, virtual worlds do not use dating as their sole means of revenue. Therefore, their motivation would not involve breaking up a happy cyber couple. Instead, they encourage committed relationships instead of a continuous cycle of cheating because they provide opportunities to buy homes together, live together, or marry. 

Ultimately, Internet dating provides opportunities to meet significant others. Therefore, while our postmodern world allows people to date in unconventional ways, the majority of daters do so in order to find someone special. While online dating sites have a certain appeal for those who are not able to go out to traditional social venues due to work, family, or personality, the desire to check up on other social media profiles may prove to be detrimental to their current relationships. Essentially, online dating websites are businesses and their first priority is to make a profit. Certainly, virtual worlds are just as guilty, but they offer couples a means to know each other without the constraints of purely physical encounters. While a virtual relationship may have negative consequences, its foundation for a potential real-life committed relationship is concrete when the people in the relationship are solid. Nevertheless, such is life in Internet dating and face-to-face dating. It ultimately is up to each individual to want to commit to one another. However, in a virtual world, this couple can take their time in getting to know each other before they take their relationship to the next level of real-life love and genuine commitment. 

Research Log

Finding focus using Google and search words online dating, dating websites, love on the internet

Bargh, John A., and Katelyn Y. A. McKenna. "The Internet and Social Life." Annual Review of Psychology 55.1 (2004): 573-90. EBSCO. Web.

Finkel, Eli J., and Susan Sprecher. "The Scientific Flaws of Online Dating Sites." Scientific American. N.p., 8 May 2012. Web. 25 July 2013. <http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=scientific-flaws-online-dating-sites>.

Stampler, Laura. "Dating In A Virtual World: Massively Multiplayer Game Users Find Real-Life Love." The Huffington Post. AOL, 23 Aug. 2011. Web. 25 July 2013.

Rubin, Jenn. "Seeking True Love in Second Life." Anything for Love: Out-of-the-Box Approaches to Dating. N.p., 2009. Web. 26 July 2013.

Narrowing Focus and finding credible sources with library database Opposing Viewpoints and EBSCO using search terms Second Life, online dating, internet dating, dating websites

Reis, Harry T., et al. "There Is Little Evidence That Online Dating Works." Netiquette and Online Ethics. Ed. Noah Berlatsky. Detroit: Greenhaven Press, 2013. Opposing Viewpoints. Rpt. from "Online Dating: A Critical Analysis from the Perspective of Psychological Science." Psychological Science in the Public Interest 13.1 (Jan. 2012). Opposing Viewpoints In Context. Web. 27 July 2013.

Kang, Tanya, and Lindsay H. Hoffman. "Why Would You Decide to Use an Online Dating Site? Factors That Lead to Online Dating." Communications Research Reports 28.3 (2011): 205-13. EBSCO. Web. 24 July 2013.

Kwiatkowski, Jane. "My Virtual Valentine: Love in Cyberspace." Buffalo News [New York] 9 Feb. 2013: n. pag. Points of View Reference Center. Web. 26 July 2013.

Scott, Veronica M., Karen E. Mottarella, and Maria J. Lavooy. "Does Virtual Intimacy Exist? A Brief Exploration into Reported Levels of Intimacy in Online Relationships." CyberPsychology & Behavior 9.6 (2006): 759-61. Print.

Slater, Dan. "A Million First Dates: How Online Dating Is Threatening Monogamy." The Atlantic Jan.-Feb. 2013: 41-46. EBSCO. Web. 25 July 2013.

Sritharan, Rajees, Kimberly Heilpern, Christopher J. Wilbur, and Bertram Gawronski. "I Think I like You: Spontaneous and Deliberate Evaluations of Potential Romantic Partners in an Online Dating Context." European Journal of Social Psychology (2009): 1062-077. Print.

Valkenburg, Patti M., and Jochen Peter. "Who Visits Online Dating Sites? Exploring Some Characteristics of Online Daters." CyberPsychology & Behavior 10.6 (2007): 849-52. Print.

White, Brian A. Second Life: A Guide to Your Virtual World. Indianapolis, IN: Que Pub., 2008. ProQuest: Safari Books Online. Web. 25 July 2013.

Annotated Bibliography

Bargh, John A., and Katelyn Y. A. McKenna. "The Internet and Social Life." Annual Review of Psychology 55.1 (2004): 573-90. EBSCO. Web. 25 July 2013.

The New York University researchers' review was supported with grants from the National Institute of Mental Health and by the Center for Advanced Study in the Behavioral Sciences, Stanford, California. The authors reveal that interpersonal communication has gone through many developments and the latest tool on the Internet. Because the Internet allows people to meet others in different countries or states, there are some who take advantage of this anonymity. The authors provided a history of the Internet and compared it to the evolution of its users. Users tend to go on the Internet to search for information, find entertainment, interact with friends, or meet new dating partners. The authors conclude that one’s behavior on the Internet depends largely on his or her goal; however, they seem to suggest that relationships over the Internet develop much as face-to-face relationships do. This article is pertinent to my research because it investigates behavior on the Internet. 

Scott, Veronica M., Karen E. Mottarella, and Maria J. Lavooy. "Does Virtual Intimacy Exist? A Brief Exploration into Reported Levels of Intimacy in Online Relationships." CyberPsychology & Behavior 9.6 (2006): 759-61. EBSCO. Web. 25 July 2013.

The authors created a study in order to examine the differences between face-to-face and online/virtual romantic relationships. Online dating services promise its users that they will find intimacy with their services, but the authors found that there is less intimacy in online relationships than face-to-face relationships. The authors also concluded that people who have experience with both types of relationships are often uncomfortable with intimacy than those who only experienced traditional relationships are more comfortable. This suggested that people turn to online dating after face-to-face relationships. This article is pertinent to my research because it compares online daters with traditional daters. In addition, it seeks to find out if virtual relationships are on par with regular relationships. 

Slater, Dan. "A Million First Dates: How Online Dating Is Threatening Monogamy." The Atlantic Jan.-Feb. 2013: 41-46. EBSCO. Web. 25 July 2013.

The New York journalist is a former attorney and he’s taken excerpts from his book Love in the Time in Algorithms: What Technology Does to Meeting and Mating” to create his article. The article introduces one male’s journey with online dating. The subject agrees that online dating makes dating so easy that he’s afraid that he’s forgotten how to fall in love. Slater uses sources such as owners or workers of online dating sites to add information and also psychologists and one divorce attorney to debate throughout the article. This article was important to my research because it gave one person’s account of the perils of traditional dating websites. Also, sub commentary from owners of dating websites attested that the goal was to make revenue and not to necessarily provide relationships. 

Sritharan, Rajees, Kimberly Heilpern, Christopher J. Wilbur, and Bertram Gawronski. "I Think I Like You: Spontaneous and Deliberate Evaluations of Potential Romantic Partners in an Online Dating Context." European Journal of Social Psychology (2009): 1062-077. EBSCO. Web. 25 July 2013.

The researchers examined online dating to determine what attributes online daters looked for. The research project was financially supported by the Canada Research Chairs Program and the Social Sciences and Humanities Research Council of Canada, and their study consisted of both men and women and they found that women usually chose online dates based on their profile whereas males would choose dates based on their pictures. The researchers found that spontaneous evaluations differed from self-reported measures which indicated participants felt as though they should portray daters looking for those with ambition rather than good looks. Their goal was to bring clarity to other research that focused on what constitutes an attraction in online dating. The authors suggest that Internet dating is much more common, so further research should be conducted in order to find out the differences between relationships that began online versus those that begin in the traditional social setting. This article was important to my research because it provided profiles of the types of people who typically use online dating and what they consider to be attraction. 

Valkenburg, Patti M., and Jochen Peter. "Who Visits Online Dating Sites? Exploring Some Characteristics of Online Daters." CyberPsychology & Behavior 10.6 (2007): 849-52. EBSCO. Web. 25 July 2013.

The researchers’ study was published in a journal that focuses on cyber communications. While the researchers are based on another country, their study reveals common characteristics that all online daters share. They asked their Dutch sample to fill out an online questionnaire in order to gauge the reasons behind using the Internet to date. Initially, the researchers hypothesized that people dated online due to “social compensation” or the “rich-get-richer hypotheses.” The “rich-get-richer” supposed that people who were naturally comfortable in social situations would be able to benefit more in online and traditional dating while the other theory suggested people with social anxiety would be more comfortable in online dating. They supported the rich-get-richer hypothesis but did not achieve significant results for their other hypothesis. This study was pertinent to my research because it also revealed what type of people would engage in online dating. As the previous article, there is not a noticeable difference in personality types. Instead, it depends on the users’ goals. 

White, Brian A. Second Life: A Guide to Your Virtual World. Indianapolis, IN: Que Pub., 2008. ProQuest: Safari Books Online. Web. 25 July 2013.

Brian A. White is a software developer and a Second Life avatar named Ansel Gasparini. The author wrote a guide for people who were interested in the online virtual world called Second Life. The virtual world mimics itself against the real world by encouraging users to build businesses, shop, socialize, have children, and marry. Second Life also has its own currency, so users purchase “lindens” to buy or rent property and other activities. Virtual worlds are becoming another form of Internet dating. This book was pertinent to my research because I wanted to explore a controversial aspect. While many people are aware of online dating websites, there are others who are not aware of the online dating scene in virtual worlds. This source allowed me to narrow my focus and create an argumentative thesis.

Works Cited

Bargh, John A., and Katelyn Y. A. McKenna. "The Internet and Social Life." Annual Review of Psychology 55.1 (2004): 573-90. EBSCO. Web.

Scott, Veronica M., Karen E. Mottarella, and Maria J. Lavooy. "Does Virtual Intimacy Exist? A Brief Exploration into Reported Levels of Intimacy in Online Relationships." CyberPsychology & Behavior 9.6 (2006): 759-61. Print.

Slater, Dan. "A Million First Dates: How Online Dating Is Threatening Monogamy." The Atlantic Jan.-Feb. 2013: 41-46. EBSCO. Web. 25 July 2013.

Sritharan, Rajees, Kimberly Heilpern, Christopher J. Wilbur, and Bertram Gawronski. "I Think I like You: Spontaneous and Deliberate Evaluations of Potential Romantic Partners in an Online Dating Context." European Journal of Social Psychology (2009): 1062-077. Print.

Valkenburg, Patti M., and Jochen Peter. "Who Visits Online Dating Sites? Exploring Some Characteristics of Online Daters." CyberPsychology & Behavior 10.6 (2007): 849-52. Print.

White, Brian A. Second Life: A Guide to Your Virtual World. Indianapolis, IN: Que Pub., 2008. ProQuest: Safari Books Online. Web. 25 July 2013.