Children of Divorce

The idea of marriage seems to be taken a little less seriously this day in age than it did years ago. Divorce is becoming more common and it seems that many people go into marriage believing that if it doesn’t work out, it can easily be solved. The resolution is usually divorce, and although a painful experience for both partners, it is not just the husband and wife that are tangled up in the matter. When there is a family involved, the children are the most affected. The repercussions of divorce are dramatic and devastating, leaving many families torn apart and emotions at a high risk level. When it comes to children involved in a divorce, it’s easy to assume that many are left emotionally scarred. Psychologically, losing a family dynamic at a certain age can certainly influence how a child grows up and the life they choose to create for themselves. As the American Academy of Pediatrics (1970) infers,

“The result of a broken home by divorce may be similar to the death of the parent, affecting the emotional growth and development of children.” (p. 588)

The developing of a child emotionally is one of the most important aspects of growing into a mature adult. The effects that divorce has on children emotionally involves feelings of guilt, loyalty to a certain parent, anxiety, and depression. These issues could easily lead to academic failure, concentration issues, and ultimately change the course of life if the behaviors noted are not paid attention to and supervised in the correct manner. Academia and socialization are two of the most important aspects of a young person's life. To have something such as divorce interfere in such a drastic way could cause great destruction to an academic career and social life. Teachers today are encouraged to be more involved in their student's life, especially because of the growing divorce rate. As Carlile (1991) configures an almost guide to helping children in the classroom cope with divorce

“The classroom can provide a buffer for children during this time. In helping children, teachers are encouraged to (1) know their children, (2) talk about feelings, (3) use bibliotherapy, (4) reassure children that they are not alone, (5) modify their language, (6) be tolerant of behavior changes, and (7) keep communication open with parents.”(p. 232)

The idea of communication is reinforced between both teacher and parent and teacher and student. This is an excellent method to allow for academic achievement when it comes to children coping with divorce. If a child is able to emphasize how they feel to someone they trust, they are more likely to feel comfortable with the situation that is going on at home and use school as less of a sanctuary, but more of a comfort zone. Since divorce is so common in modern-day, it may be having an impact on children today in a different way than it did years ago. Though there is not a lot of research provided to support this theory, it’s very possible that divorce has less of an impact on children these days. Naturally, it’s right to assume that the effects are still drastic, but because there are so many more divorced couples than there are married couples, children have a common bond in it. Many children suffer through divorce and also the remarriage of one or both parents. These are major stressful encounters that are faced by children of divorce. As Nichols (2010) suggests for children in therapy;

“Major stress points for such children (are) the separation/divorce (breakup of the nuclear family household) and the remarriage of the parent/s—are placed within the broad framework of pre-divorce, divorcing, and post-divorce stages.” (p. 55)

Though an extremely sad observation to make, it may be allowing children to better understand one another and to come together and use one another to help resolve their problems rather than lash out thinking no one understands them. Children have more friends that have divorced parents that they may be able to find something in common with and this could lead to healthier coping mechanisms. Although there are certain situations when divorce could benefit the child, not having both parents in the same household is still a hard concept to understand. In situations where there is a physically or verbally abusive parent, whether to the child or the opposing parent, it is certainly beneficial for the parents to separate and the child to remain in the custody of the parent who is not doing the abusing. Although these situations are not rare, they are less common than two people divorcing over something less severe. There is a backlash however to abuse and divorce, stemming from one parent falsely accusing the other of misconduct on the child. This can cause serious psychological damage to the child, as they sometimes have to testify in court. As Brown (et al 2001) observed, child abuse allegations made during or after partnership breakdown were weapons fashioned to gain advantage in the marital war (p. 113)

These situations occur but are not predominantly heard over regular divorce cases. In unfortunate circumstances such as these, the children truly suffer the most because they are used as a pawn between the two parents and there is no regard for how it will affect the child. Luckily these situations don’t occur often but they certainly happen enough to make them relevant. In most cases the parents avoid divorce to spare the children, it is only right for both parents to want what is best for the children involved in the divorce, but it is hard for most divorcees to get along after the initial proceedings have begun. One of the better situations would be if the child could be involved in a form of therapy, whether or not it involves the whole family would be up to the ability of the parents. A child would highly benefit from family therapy during the time of a divorce rather than therapy on their own, however, most do not encounter situations that are that simple. Many families cannot financially afford to be active in therapy either, causing more of a rift in the dynamic.

References

Brown, T., Frederico, M., Hewitt, L., & Sheehan, R. (2001). The child abuse and divorce myth. Child Abuse Review, 10(2), 113-124.

Carlile, C. (1991). Children of divorce. Childhood Education, 67(4), 232-234.Children of Divorce. Official Journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics, (1970) 46(4), 588-595.

Nichols, W. (2010). Family therapy with children of divorce. Journal of Psychotherapy and the Family, 1(3), 55-68.