Raising a Virtual Child: Hamza

Raising a virtual child was a huge learning experience. It gave a better idea about a child’s development stages and different parenting styles used. It helped show which parenting still is more effective and which one was better depending on a child’s personality. My virtual child is Hamza, and I was able to parent him from beginning to his adolescents, and able to see the outcome of said parenting style. Overall, Hamza was a normal, healthy child, due to the care, discipline, and love given throughout his life. Hamza’s report at 9 months showed he was physically healthy and very shy when exposed to new situations or new people. The pediatrician’s observations revealed that Hamza barely warmed up to new situations or strangers unless I was present. Regarding emotional reactions, Hamza was normal for his age, showing fear of complete strangers and separation anxiety when I am away. This meant he had a secure attachment. His gross and fine motor skills, however, were behind for his age. Parenting style was modified in hopes of helping Hamza in his gross and fine motor skills, including doing one-on-one play. 

As Hamza reached 19 months, further testing showed that Hamza was able to get along and collaborate with other kids his age. Hamza continued to be securely attached, which. means that Hamza was a child who showed some distress when I left but he was able to compose himself and do something knowing that I may or may not return shortly. “Infants have a universal need to seek close proximity with their caregiver when under stress or threatened” (McLeod, 2009, p. 8), which Hamza felt with me. However, the specialist also reported that there could be room for improvement. My parenting style was adjusted to fit to the specialist’s recommendations, soon working on more interactive communication with Hamza. 

In terms of language development, Hamza scored above average and was in a positive mood during play session, meaning he was very fit to get into preschool. Hamza still showed problems with his gross and motor skills, however, I continued to help him with it by following the specialist’s recommendation of giving him time to play games outdoors. The examiner also said that Hamza had difficulty concentrating, so by gradually engaging Hamza’s attention to get him ready for preschool.  

As Hamza aged, it was noted that Hamza was able to interact with other children, including by getting close to other kids. He was able to have a good time during play sessions even when I was not present. Hamza only grew a little hostile over his favorite toy, however, he was able to share. Hamza was also able to deal with tasks, and was above average on tests when it came to language comprehension and production. Hamza was also above average when looking at problem solving. Hamza was very cooperative and sociable. However, his testing results showed he was below average in gross motor skills, like climbing, throwing, and catching activities, but above average in copying shapes with a pencil. He had a hard time keeping on task, and added irrelevant comments in a conversation or answer, including having regular routines in order to combat distractions.

By the age of 5, Hamza worked very well with other children, however, he was hesitant to join new activities with children he didn’t know. In preschool, Hamza was clingy with the teacher and reluctant to join in preschool activities unless there was enough encouragement. The teacher, however, mentioned that Hamza had but a few small hardships in adapting to kindergarten activities she asked the children to do. He was shy at first to participate, but soon joined in once he was able to observe the activity. He was also very eager to please the teacher. He worked on his own a lot. He was encouraged at this point to do more tasks on his own and work on self-management. 

By first grade, Hamza worked well in groups and respected the rights and the property of others. He also had his strengths in reading and writing. There were times where he seemed to be anxious, moody, and slightly unhappy, however, Hamza was able to overcome this. Hamza had a forte in language and in listening, again. He also showed strength in social studies and science, along with spatial understanding and visual arts. He is active in terms of recess and physical games, and quiet when he needs to be, during work time in the classroom. This is definitely due to a style of authoritative parenting that also comes with warmth and understanding.

During middle school, Hamza showed his strength in English and social studies, while being average in math and science. High school showed a continuation of his strengths in English and Social studies and language, by getting A’s in Spanish, English Honors, and World Geography, along with improvements in science and math such as biology and algebra I. By 11th grade, Hamza had a lot of highlights in his report card, including the fact that he received A’s in math and science, along with being eligible for AP classes for senior year. He also received A’s in fine arts and was a pleasure to have in class. He was also satisfactory in all of his classes, and was dutiful and followed the classroom rules. 

My child’s attachment relationship to me is developing securely all throughout his life, according to psychologist and the style used in my parenting. This is also one of the things I’ve learned because of this experience and this course.  John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth’s theory of attachment shows that a child being secure in their relationship with their parents means they are more secure about themselves later on in life. Ainsworth’s theory of attachment deals specifically with how and research on how attachment between a child and their parent go beyond infancy (Ainsworth, 2015). Because of this, I was able to learn more about the four main types of attachment, which are secure, ambivalent, avoidant, and disoriented attachment (McLeod, 2009). Hamza was shown to be securely attached, because of my parenting style. 

My parenting style consisted of being very disciplined on Hamza. The parental questionnaire gives results of being in the 15% of most disciplined. This could be explained my similar family experiences regarding my own childhood experience, and my parent’s parenting style. I made my decision because of previous parenting styles seen to work, and how I was raised. There were also other factors including doing more research and seeing the right balance that will help keep a child disciplined and stay on task.

The type of parenting style which I felt was most used was the authoritative parenting style. An authoritative parenting style usually means having reasonable demands and high responsiveness, meaning having high expectations. Parents using this style holds high expectations of maturity and teach them how to control their feelings, but also come from a place of understanding. They are also able to forgive possible shortcomings (Strassen, 2011).  

Something else I learned from this course was at times, regardless of which parenting style that most closely identifies with you, you can be stuck in situations in which you take on a more authoritarian approach. For example, when Hamza crashed his car I was not so understanding. I took more of an aggressive approach. Regardless, I was an authoritative parent, however, I had a balance with the way I love Hamza, but I was also able to enforce obedience like an authoritarian parent can. This can be seen through the parenting questionnaire score, where it indicates that I am above average in warmth and affection, however, it also shows that I am in the top 15% in discipline and control towards Hamza. 

Learning more about child’s physical, cognitive, social, parenting development, along with attachment theories, helped me realize that there would always be something I feel I could have done differently in regard to raising Hamza. It’s easier to know in hindsight what to change and what to fix in their parenting style. For example, if I knew Hamza was still going to have difficulty with participation in school, I would have definitely spent more time on helping him get out of his shell more often.  

There were many ideas in this coarse that are necessary to remember because how essential and effective they can be later on when having an actual child. For example, learning different patterns of attachments and learning the different styles of parenting, along with which one works best helped me realize the type of parenting philosophy I believe in and want to implement later on in life when I have children. I will be able to take to heart that even if I feel like I am more of a strict parent or I identify more with a certain style, depending on the situation and depending on my child’s learning style, there will always be situations were different parenting approaches will be necessary, or will give a better outcome in the end.

This course has helped me have a better understanding on childhood development and parenting styles, along with different principles and theories that can help anyone become a better parent for their child. Hamza was shown to have a lot of development throughout his life, and having a virtual child helped and refined my parenting style to learn more about attachment, a child’s social, cognitive, and physical development as Hamza aged into young adulthood. It was interesting to see how small changes or small aspects of my parenting style effected Hamza later on in life. I’ve learned that there is a balance in parenting style, and there is no for sure way to be a perfect parent, because every child is different, and may react to different situations based off their personality.

References

Ainsworth, M. D. S., Blehar, M. C., Waters, E., & Wall, S. N. (2015). Patterns of attachment: A psychological study of the strange situation. Psychology Press.

McLeod, S. A. (2009). Attachment Theory. Retrieved from http://www.simplypsychology.org/attachment.html

Strassen B., K. (2011). The Developing Person Through the Life Span. Worth Publishers. p. 273.