Should Unhappy Couples Stay Together for the Children?

Several decades ago, couples stayed together if they had children for the sake of the children. Today, social mores have changed. While it is seen as acceptable for couples to divorce, couples might still feel obligated to stay together for their children. Some proponents of keeping the marriage argue that being a married parent is better for children than being a single parent. Proponents for divorce argue that it is more harmful for children to be in a family with unhappily married parents than happily separated parents. This proposal will present the reasons why, if a couple is unhappy in a marriage, it is better to proceed with a divorce rather than stay together in an unhappy marriage for the sake of the children, under certain circumstances and conditions.

An introduction to the two points of view will be presented. Each side, pro-marriage and pro-divorce, makes valid points for either staying together or separating. An argument for pro-divorce will be made

Introduction to the Problem

This debate is not a black and white scenario. The issue of unhappy marriages, divorce can be messy, and the impact of divorce is messier. One can only wonder if it is better to stay in an unhappy marriage or to divorce.

Borchord reported research demonstrating that adding children to a marriage can make a couple feel less happy within their marriage. For the eighteen years it takes to raise children, the time constraints it places on parents, the added stress and finances, can make couples feel unhappier in their marriage for the time they are under that added stress. Yet, when couples are polled after they raised their children, they report they feel happier in their marriage. Proponents of marriage could argue that it is better to stay within a marriage because the stress of raising children is more of a factor of their happiness than whether or not they are truly happy as a couple. For people who support this point of view, happiness is situational, containing many life factors rather than a state of being created from only the marriage itself.

Moreover, supporters of staying married argue that divorcing isn’t a magic solution for happiness. People might not be any happier separately than they are together. A divorce could only compound the problems for each parent, rather than solve their problems. Parents should stay together and work on their problems individually and together as a couple. Even if one or both parents have personal issues that affect the marriage, they should stay together to work out those issues instead of separate.

However, some are in support of divorcing as opposed to staying in the marriage. As Carter stated, when a parent is in an unhappy marriage, it’s much more difficult to be a happy parent. Carter observed it is more difficult to parent effectively if the parent is always upset or if both parents are constantly fighting. Gadoua expressed that divorce is not harmful to children. The effects of an unhappy marriage are harmful to children. Constant fighting, the atmosphere discord creates in a home, the stress, can all have direct and indirect influences on children. As Gadoua stated, children whose parents are unhappy in their marriage suffer the bad effects of their parents’ fights, the fact that parents are unhappy, the atmosphere of parental indifference to each other, and other aspects an unhappy marriage creates. Gadoua observed research has demonstrated that children in homes with unhappily married couples exhibit more aggressive behaviors and are more introverted than children with either divorced parents or parents who are happily married.

Other proponents of divorce argue that even if individual problems are to blame and an unhealthy marriage is only a symptom of two unhappy people, that it might be too overwhelming to become healthy with an unhealthy partner. The behavioral patterns of parental interaction of the marriage might override or block any personal progress the parent could make. If the parent had the chance to be alone without a relationship, the parent could solve his or her problems as an individual and become happy. These unhealthy behavioral patterns will eventually harm the children.

Proposal

The research paper proposed is in support of divorce under certain circumstances. The issue of happiness will be discussed. As the previous section revealed, happiness can be seen as a constant state of being, or it could be conditional, or both. This will be explored in terms of marriages. This discussion will reveal the necessity to define marriages, rather in terms of happiness or unhappiness, which are less tangible, and instead, defining marriages in terms of working and nonworking marriage.

After these concepts are discussed, the issue of whether or not a couple should remain in a nonworking marriage for the children, or whether or not they should divorce. The focus of this discussion will be on what actions are healthiest for the children. The term healthy will be defined in terms of emotional and mental wellness of the children. After defining health in terms of the emotional and mental wellness of the children, this discussion will turn towards unhealthy and healthy scenarios for children if the parents stay married, or if they become children of divorce.

At the center of this discussion, it is important to keep in mind that a divorce can be just as unhealthy as the marriage was, and if not executed properly and with the health of the children in mind, both scenarios have the potential to be better or worse for the children. This discussion will conclude with the healthiest way to divorce, and only when all other options to stay together are exhausted. In many circumstances, divorce is the best option for some couples and is healthier for children than staying together as an unhappy couple.

Works Cited

Christine Carter. “Should We Stay Together for the Kids?” Berkley University. Berkley.edu, 4 November 2009. Web. 14 November 2013.

Therese J Borchard. “3 Tips for Staying Together with Children.” Psych Central..Psych Central, 18 July 2010. Web. 14 November 2013

Susan Pease Gadoua. “Contemplating Divorce.” Psychology Today. 15 November 2009. Web. 14 November 2013.