Twenty-First Century Dating

Dating has been revolutionized over the past few decades. Singles are no longer heading out to their favorite local bar with hopes of finding that special someone but instead filling out an online profile from the comfort of their own homes. Although some may see it as an unnatural way of dating, there have certainly been many success stories along the way. Whereas before there were only a handful dating sites, there are now a plethora of options due to the increased popularity of online dating, including eHarmony, Match.com, OkCupid, and many more. Ultimately, online dating could represent the future of dating due to the fact that it offers convenience, anonymity, transparency, variety, and affordability.

To say Internet dating has gained popularity at an unimaginable rate would be an understatement. As an industry that has gone from not even existing a little over a decade ago to one where 63 million Americans have at least tested the online dating waters, the industry is thriving (Madden and Lenhart 2). Some have argued that pop culture has romanticized the idea of meeting a soul mate online, which is part of the reason many have been willing to try something that would have seemed very unconventional and unnatural just a few years prior (Merkle and Richardson 188). With so many Americans putting their personal information online in a search for love, it certainly begs the question: why does online dating appeal to so many Americans?

Perhaps the most important reason for the rise in Internet dating’s popularity is that it offers convenience. No longer are singles forced to go out to a bar or other public place in hopes of finding a potential date. Most people are busy with work, school, and other obligations, leaving little time to go out in hopes of finding a date. In a culture that is constantly busy and obsessed with electronics and convenience, it makes sense that this mindset would extend to dating as well. Some psychologists have found that people they have interviewed prefer online dating to traditional means because it offers a better chance of getting a first date (Betchen par. 2). This view seems reasonable for quite a few reasons.

Most notably, it allows users to relax and be themselves. Think about it, where are humans more comfortable than in their own homes? Humans purposely obtain objects and transform a space into a home in order to provide comfort (Terkenli 325). By relaxing on the couch, it allows for online daters to simply upload an attractive picture, write a brief life summary, and send text messages to potential suitors. The process alleviates much of the stress associated with traditional dating, as there is less fear of rejection due to the fact that the proposal is being sent via text message and no face-to-face contact is taking place. The convenience of online dating can certainly be attributed to its popularity.

Another reason for its success is the anonymity it provides. On websites such as Match.com and OkCupid, users can browse profiles anonymously, allowing users to view hundreds of potential matches without having anyone ever know they were there. With most users not even updating their name, it likely provides users with a sense of comfort in knowing that they can review many matches without having their identities revealed. Women living in a culture that has demonized promiscuity for one sex but not the other have likely found joy in online dating (Young 38), where they can look for partners without feeling like others are judging them.

One caveat to this philosophy is that many websites have begun to charge for users to browse anonymously. For example, OkCupid, which is now owned by Match.com, charges $9.99 per month to allow users to browse other profiles anonymously (“Upgrade to A-List”). If the upgrade is not purchased (known as A-List), other users will be notified when someone visits his or her profile, thereby eliminating the sense of anonymity that comes with online dating. As one of the primary benefits associated with Internet dating, it is not surprising that dating websites have attempted to profit from anonymity.

Not only does online dating provide a sense of anonymity, but it also allows for some transparency. Users provide summaries of their interests, goals, and accomplishments. This allows for other users to have some sense of who the person is prior to chatting, as opposed to the blank slate users are greeted with in real-life dating situations. By summarizing a list of goals and hobbies, it also presents the ability to quickly identify similar interests to kick-start a conversation. Instead of having to wait until a few dates to find out a deal-breaking detail about their potential partner, they have an increased chance of finding out the information immediately.

Most dating websites utilize questions to generate a list of potential matches by identifying similar interests. For example, if one user’s favorite food is pizza and their favorite football team is the Chicago Bears, the website can use this data to find other users who also enjoy watching the Bears while eating pizza. From there, websites like Match.com have a section on the website where users can browse through potential partners the site has determined to be ideal matches. Through the use of algorithms based on user-answered questions, the websites match up potential partners based on whom they think would be best together. Although some have suggested the algorithms are flawed and would be no better than matching users up at random (Finkel and Sprecher par. 2), the fact that users can find information and similar interests provides some sense of transparency.

There is no denying that there is variety in online dating. With thousands of users in major cities around the country, the options are nearly limitless. eHarmony alone claims to have 20 million registered users (“eHarmony - #1 Trusted Online Dating Site” par. 2), and that is just one of the many dating sites available online. Users could, conceivably, sign up for multiple dating sites to increase their odds, although there is undoubtedly some overlap between sites. The ability to find thousands of potential matches is helpful for those who have struggled to find a mate through traditional means, such as hobbies, friends, or bars.

Variety also presents users with the ability to meet people in areas of the city they typically do not frequent. Cities such as New York are so large that many residents stay relatively close to home a lot of the time, ignoring areas where there could be thousands of potential partners. By displaying users all across the city, it allows users to meet with others who live in areas of the city they do not visit regularly. The amount of users is certainly appealing to many. If one were to walk into the local bar on any given night, there might be 20 to 30 single men and women in attendance. However, one click of the mouse allows users to meet thousands of singles any night of the week.

Lastly, online dating provides a quality that going to bars and clubs does not offer: affordability. Although some dating websites have added benefits to paid subscribers, the majority of the sites are completely free to all users. This can be beneficial, as it allows users to meet singles and make conversation without having to spend money to do so. In economic times when most people are trying to cut back on spending, this is likely a major selling point for many of the singles that utilize dating websites.

Ultimately, online dating could provide a platform for meeting local singles that was unprecedented a decade ago. Although it provides access to thousands of potential partners and allows for a relaxed atmosphere, the partners will eventually have to meet up in person. Much like traditional dating, this is when the true dating experience begins. Instead of having twenty minutes to formulate a witty response online, the person then has to prove themselves in the spur of the moment, leading many to realize the person they thought they knew online is not really the person they are in real life. A recent New York Times article reported that many have reported disappointment in their potential matches after meeting in person (Rosenbloom par. 3), leading some to wonder if online dating really is better than going out and meeting potential partners in person.

Not only have many online daters been unimpressed when meeting in person, but some were also surprised when the person that showed up was not the person in the profile picture at all. The phenomenon is known as “catfishing,” where dating site users post pictures of someone else in order to establish a relationship with another user (Saedi par. 6). However, when they finally decide to meet in person, the users turns out to be someone different entirely. The practice has become so common that there is actually a television show devoted entirely to catching dating site users who send fake photographs online. With potentially dangerous situations involving deceptive users luring online daters in with fake profile pictures, it ultimately raises the question of the safety of online dating.

Anyone can make a profile and send a few messages before arranging to meet for lunch or drinks. There is really no way, however, to ensure the person in the profile picture is the person who is going to show up on the first date. It is therefore important for users to take necessary precautions before meeting up with someone they have met online. Video chatting is an effective method of determining if the person behind the computer screen really is who he or she claims to be. In doing so, there will likely be no surprises when it is time to meet in person for the first date. Another method is to research the person online and attempt to find any online presence, such as a Facebook account. Although there is certainly a fair amount of risk involved with meeting someone online, it does seem to have deterred most from engaging in the practice, as evidenced by the millions of users with online profiles.

In conclusion, although there are some risks associated with online dating, the platform is likely the future of dating due to its convenience and prevalence. With over 63 million Americans engaged in online dating, many are lured in by thinking the right person is only a click away. Along with the vast amount of potential matches online, the casual atmosphere of online dating reels many in. Due to the fact that online dating sites can be accessed via cell phone, one can search for love interests while sitting at home watching television, standing in line at the grocery store, or even working out at the gym. As electronics become more and more prevalent in society, online dating will likely expand even more. Older Americans have started to embrace the trend as well, with many dating sites devoted specifically to older singles, showing that the online dating trend is nearly omnipresent and not just being used by younger Americans obsessed with gadgets. Gone are the days of going to a local bar or restaurant in hopes of finding another single in attendance. That was how singles dated in the twentieth century. Twenty-first-century dating has arrived, where singles instead log into a computer and browse through thousands of online listings until they find the perfect match.

Works Cited

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Rosenbloom, Stephanie. "No Scrolling Required at New Dating Sites." New York Times. N.p., 13 Apr. 2012. Web. 12 Oct. 2013.

Saedi, Goal Auzeen. ""Catfish" and the Perils of Online Dating." Psychology Today. N.p., 9 Dec. 2012. Web. 12 Oct. 2013.

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Young, Angie. “The Ethical Slut.” Off Our Backs 34 (2004): 38-39. JSTOR. June 2004. Web. 12 October 2013.